"Know Your Emotions" - Pastor JongKeun Han

“Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. Do not give the devil an opportunity.” (Ephesians 4:26, WEB)

As a pastor and professional counselor, I am dedicated to serving mental health.

Before becoming a professional counselor, I majored in family ministry. During this

process, I encountered a significant challenge: people who seemed to have resolved their problems were still struggling to maintain healthy relationships.

Looking at them, I asked myself, “What is the root of the problem?” and “Where

does fundamental healing begin?” These questions shaped the direction of my

ministry.

While researching domestic violence, I discovered a common thread among those

who commit violence. Uncontrolled anger resides within their hearts. I concluded

that violence is ultimately an expression of uncontrolled anger that harms the well-

being of others.

This anger is always at the root of the conflicts we experience in many relationships.

Unresolved anger builds and becomes suppressed, eventually manifesting as harmful

behaviors, both to oneself and to others. The physical, verbal, and emotional abuse

we experience is also an unhealthy expression of this emotion.

Addressing suppressed emotions.

Surprisingly, many people are unaware of their emotions. In fact “only 36

percent of the people are able to accurately identify their emotions as they happen.”

(Greaves, Jean; Bradberry, Travis. 2009)

With their permission I am sharing this story which I held a seminar on emotional

health a few years ago, and there I counseled Esther and Tom ( pseudonyms). My

first question was, “If this situation continued, then each of you would save this

marriage?”

Without a moment's hesitation, Esther said, “I can't continue this marriage any

longer.” Tom added, “If Esther doesn’t want it, I can't do anything about it.”

As the counseling progressed, I learned that Tom had long harbored feelings of

being ignored by his wife. These suppressed emotions soon transformed into anger,

leading him to consistently display an angry expression and tone. Esther, however,

found it challenging to comprehend this behavior, experiencing anxiety throughout

her more than ten-year marriage. Ultimately, she felt drained and could no longer

sustain the relationship. Yet, with counseling, the couple addressed their suppressed

emotions. They also embraced their vulnerabilities, a challenge they had previously

avoided. At the session's conclusion, they had established new commitments with

knowing honestly expressing emotions without suppression, communicating them in

a healthy manner and accepting each other’s emotions.

Why am I feeling this way?

Greaves, Jean; Bradberry, Travis, in their book “Emotional Intelligence 2.0,”

states: “The way to truly understand your emotions is to carefully consider where

they come from and why they exist. Every emotion has a purpose. They are your

responses to the world, and they must have a source.”

Instead of suppressing our emotions, we should ask, “Why am I feeling this way?”

and practice expressing them constructively. Just as learning to surf begins with

small waves, we too must begin the practice of managing our daily emotions in a

healthy way.

Emotions are not something to be suppressed.

Emotions are not something to be suppressed. They are the language of our

hearts, a message from God that leads us to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

When we accept and properly express our emotions, we find freedom. That freedom

is the path to loving ourselves, loving our neighbors, and the path to true restoration

given by God. Emotional health matters.

By JongKeun Han, D.Min., President: Center for International Mental Health

Evangelism, Santa Maria, CA.

https://centerforjesus.org/

1. Greaves, Jean; Bradberry, Travis. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (p. 11). (Function).

Kindle Edition.